My PhD adviser informed me I had failed my qualifying exam at my third attempt, which meant the dismissal（开除）from the program.How was it possible that one exam-one hour of my life-could define me as unfit to be a scientist?
I wasn't sure what to expect when I started my PhD program.I struggled with my classes during my first year, spending coutless hours studying in the library. I ended that year with increased confidence.But soon my confidence went away when I made my first attempt at the qualifying exam.I had switched research projects 5 months earlier, after my first adviser left the university,so I wasn't so confident of going into the exam.Besides,I had never taken an oral exam before,so the experience was terrifying.
Once it was over, my committee told me I'd conditionally passed,which meant I had to take more time to study and prepare to talk about the topic further.I was shaken but still hopeful.But when I retook the exam,I failed again.That's when I was told I'd have one more chance.
For the next 5 months,I asked my committee chairs for guidance and practiced answering oral questions. I even stopped doing lab work to focus on my exam preparations.I was all in.
When the exam was over, I left the room feeling a mix of fear and relief. But those feelings changed to disappointment the next day after I learned I'd failed.I speak Spanish at home,but I have difficulty translating even the simplest scientific concepts into Spanish. This held back my ability to comfortably speak the expected"language of science".
My adviser requested to reinstate（使重返岗位）me＇to the PhD program，and I＇m now back to working on my doctorate.I still have a little voice in the back of my head that I' not good enough.But I try to stop it by surrounding myself with professors who support me and by staying focused on developing into the great scientist I know I can be. I am much more than that one-hour exam.
